Addressing the important question of “How do we keep our kids safe online?”

Posted on February 1, 2016 by Derek Logan

Join us for “Keeping Our Kids Safe Online” – Kingsway College School on Tuesday, February 9, 2016 at 7:00 p.m.

When organizing a panel for our February 9th KCS Encouraging Dialogue Speakers Series, our committee kept hearing from families that they would like this year’s panel to address issues around social media and our children.

To start our search for speakers, we called KCS alumna Marianne B ‘01., whose work is with the Digital Media Zone (DMZ) at Ryerson University. Marianne’s expertise helped guide us in the right direction, and this year’s panel is a result of her leadership.

In our initial conference call, Marianne said something that really resonated with our group. I’m paraphrasing now, but she said, “When I was in grade 5 at KCS, at the end of the day I went home, played with my toys, ate dinner, did my homework, maybe did some extra-curricular activities or spoke on the phone, and then went to bed. I didn’t have a phone connected to the Internet, and I didn’t have a laptop or iPad in my room.” And this was only a little over a ten years ago.

A short pause to think about how things have changed, and will continue to change for our children, leaves one amazed.

Marianne and her parents did not have to deal with cellphones, texting, Facebook’s Likes and Dislikes, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram or cyberbullying. Although we might not have appreciated it at the time, I’m sure a number of today’s parents would like to see a return to just having their children play with their toys after school. But that’s not going to happen. For today’s parents and their children the ‘online world’ is a big part of their everyday lives. Given this, how can we help our children navigate their digital experiences and keep them safe online?

We are confident our Encouraging Dialogue panel will help families address this important question. We look forward to seeing you at “Keeping Our Kids Safe Online” on Tuesday, February 9, 2016 at 7:00 p.m.

Derek Logan
Head of School

Common Sense on Character

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Andrea Fanjoy

One of our KCS Habits of Mind, Body and Action

“It’s great to have him back, but I already run my class and raise my daughter according to his book.” — a KCS teacher

I knew it as soon as I heard Ron Morrish, speaker and author of Secrets of Effective Discipline and With All Due Respect, over 10 years ago. His message on how to develop self-discipline in children would transform my approach as both educator and mother of two young boys. Seven years ago he first spoke at KCS. This month he visited with faculty once again.

Many parents and visitors have remarked on the manners and behaviour of our students. Stand-out moments for visitors are how often they’re greeted by students and have the door held open for them. For a bustling community of 369 students, over 60 staff, and the many parents and others who join us each day, the atmosphere is happy, respectful and purposeful. While there are many good reasons for that, one is Ron Morrish and how KCS has incorporated his pointers into our day.

Ron is the first to say that much of his advice captures how many of us were raised. He says it’s the “common sense” that, unfortunately, is less common these days. So what’s included in this common sense on character? Here’s a small sample:

Always model the behaviour you seek
Teach the behaviour you seek; don’t assume children should know how to behave at all times
Be clear and ensure follow-through on directions
Make sure small things are done properly and consistently (manners, holding doors, routines)
When mistakes happen, require a “do-over”; mistakes mean more practice doing things right
Take proactive steps so children can be successful behaving as they’ve been taught
This all takes persistent work

Parents, you’ll be glad to know that your children’s teachers spent an afternoon enjoying a refresher from Ron Morrish. And to the parents and educators seeking more self-discipline among the young in your midst, consider looking into Ron’s teachings. As it has for many of us, it could really make a difference for you too.

Andrea Fanjoy,
Assistant Head, Academics
You can follow Andrea on Twitter @afanjoy.

Summertime online?

Posted on June 5, 2014 by smarcynuk

It’s June and the summer holidays are just around the corner! There will be plenty of fun times, and definitely plenty of free time for families and friends. For many of our children, free time means going online (i.e. gaming, socializing). Thus, it’s a good time to revisit with your child the expectations of being online over the summer months.

10 online topics to cover:

Many children play online games whether via their gaming console, tablet, or smartphone. Know what your child’s favourite games are (are they age-appropriate?) and who they play with.
Set time limits for the duration your child is allowed to be online. How early in the day are they allowed to be online? How late? Is there a balance between online and offline activities?
Children are starting to enter the social media world at a younger age. Know if your child uses social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Vine, Kik, etc…) Ask them to teach you about it if you are new to any of these sites.
How about the new fad of socializing via ‘anonymous questions and answers’ apps? (i.e. Ask.fm, Spring.me, Wut, etc…) An earlier KCS blog broached this topic. Is your child using these? Know who they are following and how they are using these apps. They can be a wonderful source for socializing or a means for hurt and abuse.
Your child may have a number of online ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. But what happens when someone ‘unfriends’ your child? Be prepared for mood swings, rejection and sadness. Comfort, listen and talk to your child about friendships, peer pressure and relationships.
Has your child checked their privacy and security settings of their various online accounts lately? Be sure that they set these to ‘friends only’ and allow only people they know and trust to be their ‘friend’.
What type of passwords does your child use online? Be sure it is alphanumeric and doesn’t contain their first name or last name.
What are the consequences if any of your expectations are not met? Follow through on these consequences if need be; your child needs to understand when the line has been crossed.
Are online activities a part of daily dinner conversations? Having this set as a routine will provide a safe and comforting environment for your child to communicate all the great (and not so great) things that happen online. Have a handful of responses your child can use if they come across inappropriate sites or behaviours online.
Kids love taking photos. Many post these online as well. Cruise through the photos stored on your child’s device to see what exists and could possibly end up online.

Finally, as digital natives your child will innately explore the online world. It is filled with wonderful opportunities and hazy, grey ones too. As effective role models we can teach them to keep out of the questionable areas and enjoy a safe summer!

Stacy Marcynuk
Director of IT, Curriculum

Further Reading:
http://www.safekids.com/family-contract-for-smartphone-use/
http://www.safekids.com/family-contract-for-online-safety/
http://www.protectkids.com/parentsafety/pledge.htm
http://parentingteens.about.com/library/specials/nnetsafe.htm
http://www.carolinaparent.com/articlemain.php?Technology-Contracts-Help-Keep-Kids-Safe-Online-3866

M&Ms and A Soccer Shoe

Posted on April 8, 2013 by Derek Logan

One evening last week, just before 8 p.m., I was driving my daughter, Alyssa, to her weekly piano lesson. She turned to me and told me that she thought that her brother, Brandon, needed M&Ms for his grade 9 Business class the next day. Let’s just say I was not pleased to hear this news at that time of night. My first question to her was when did Brandon find out he needed these M&Ms? Once she hesitated in her answer, I knew he found out last week, but forgot to tell either my wife or myself. I told her that I wasn’t going to the store to buy them at that point in the evening and Brandon would just have to figure it out the next day. Alyssa knew I meant what I said, as both she and her brother remember the time when Brandon was younger and he arrived at his soccer practice with one shoe. You may have guessed this, but I didn’t drive home to get the other shoe. If you have never done this before it is interesting to watch someone play soccer with one shoe. I am pleased to say that since that practice, Brandon makes sure he leaves the house with all his gear before getting in the car.

Unfortunately, I will never know whether the lesson I was trying to teach Brandon with the M&Ms and being prepared for school made a difference. When I got home from picking up Alyssa from piano, there was a package of M&Ms on the counter in the kitchen. My wife, Heather, went out and bought them. We hadn’t agreed on my M&M strategy in advance…

Derek Logan
Head of School

If It Feels You’ve Gone Through the Looking Glass…

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Andrea Fanjoy

“It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”
-Lewis Carroll in Alice in Wonderland

Parenting has these moments. Teaching has them too.

Our school musical this year was Wonderland!, a spin-off of Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice in Wonderland. As a child, I wouldn’t have noticed the dimension of the story that became evident the other night, when Alice stepped through the Looking Glass and everything turned backwards. To a child, this story is a feat of imagination, a delightful trek into a world that doesn’t exist.

As a parent and educator, it connected with something a little less fictional. It reminded me of the times where my children have come home and bemoaned things that didn’t make sense. It reminded me of times when students complain of an egregious injustice at recess, only to learn that what really happened was a little more complex and nuanced. And it reminded me of some discussions with concerned parents, who recounted what their child told them, and I had the opportunity to share some other relevant details that brought sense to a story in need.

Children aren’t cognitively and emotionally ready to fully understand their world. The perspectives and messages of others, body language, context and the implications of their own actions are often overlooked, not out of dishonesty but out of ordinary immaturity. Even adults struggle with this, and we are all vulnerable to using our imaginations, however unwittingly, to help explain a situation in a way that may please us, but is not a representation of all that really happened.

If your child comes home with a story that leaves you feeling as if you’ve gone through the Looking Glass, take heart. You needn’t go through the many adventures of Alice. Reach out to the adults who can add the facts needed to turn this backward world into one that makes sense. Doing so offers a delight that is preferable to the temporary treat of imagination. Even Alice came to realize it. “It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn’t always growing larger or smaller.”

Andrea Fanjoy,
Assistant Head, Academics
You can follow Andrea on Twitter @afanjoy.

This article was first published in SNAP Etobicoke, April 2013.

The Jekyll and Hyde of the Internet

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Andrea Fanjoy

The Toronto Star recently published an article asking, “Is the internet bad for us?”. Good question.

Nothing excites me more than each step forward in doing our best for students. Every concern addressed, every lesson made more impactful, and every child we more effectively connect with is the reward that reenergizes us for the next day. While not always the case, technology and the Internet, in the hands of a determined and mindful teacher, frequently play a role in these steps forward. Though I stand firmly in the camp that says the technology glass is more than half full, I’ve seen enough to know that keeping The Star’s question in the back of our minds is an important part of ensuring the glass doesn’t get knocked over.

The article lists many reasons for concern: family time dominated by laptops and texting, decreased ability to converse, constant desire for affirmation, lack of time alone with one’s thoughts or playing side-by-side with others, etc. The social conflicts inherent in growing up now often play out in cyberspace, where slights, or worse, take on a much greater significance than anything the pre-Internet generation had to face. Growing up is hard, and this generation’s abundant use of the Internet amplifies the highs and lows of this critical stage. Raising children is hard, and the Internet has likewise been a mixed blessing for parenting.

The Internet is here to stay, and to bemoan what’s bad is to miss out on all that’s good. But to revel in the positive without attention to what’s not is unwise. Teaching responsible use of the Internet is now part of what schools must do. Monitoring and having reasonable limits on use at home is now part of what parents must do. With these efforts in place, we can happily answer the opening question, “It could be bad, but not in my family.”

Andrea Fanjoy,
Assistant Head, Academics
You can follow Andrea on Twitter @afanjoy.

Understanding the Teen Mind

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Andrea Fanjoy

Working in education doesn’t make parenting easier. It does, however, let me spend part of my work time learning about why children behave as they do. Increasingly, what I learn is rooted in brain research. Once one of life’s greatest mysteries, the thinking behind behavior is being revealed like a classic whodunit, thanks to magnetic-resonance images of the living, processing brain.

Of all the stages of development, parents and educators strive hardest to understand the teen years. An exciting yet characteristically turbulent, boundary-pushing stage where adults may often be inclined to ask, “What were you thinking?”, we’re fortunate to now have an answer. Two parts of the brain feature prominently in adolescence. The prefrontal cortex is the part of our brain most linked with mature judgment and self-control. The amygdala is the seat of our emotions. The biological details of what these two are doing during adolescence are best left to worthier publications than this column, but a satisfying metaphor shared by Ron Morrish, behavior specialist, is that of a construction site. The prefrontal cortex undergoes significant growth and change from the preteen years until the early twenties. It effectively becomes a construction site that, like any other, is unavailable for regular use. Where does the detour take an adolescent mind? The amygdala. This helps explain the oft-incomprehensible emotional swings that the adolescent, and those in their wake, must ride.

This has big implications for what we do as parents and educators. Dr. Ron Clavier, Clinical Psychologist and Neuroscientist, has laid out these implications, and related strategies, in his acclaimed book Teen Brain, Teen Mind: What Parents Need to Know to Survive the Adolescent Years. Humour, extensive experience and knowledge of the physiological underpinnings of this amazing stage have made Clavier a most-welcome voice in my world at school and home. If there is a teen or pre-teen in your life, I’m guessing he would also be a welcome voice in yours.

Dr. Clavier is speaking at Kingsway College School, 4600 Dundas St. West, at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, February 6^th. Admission is free, and copies of his book will be available for sale. More details are available at www.kcs.on.ca/Speakers. Parents, educators, teens and all others who want to better understand the intriguing teen mind are welcome to join us.

Andrea Fanjoy,
Assistant Head, Academics
You can follow Andrea on Twitter @afanjoy.

Technology and Dogs

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Derek Logan

My 16 year old daughter, Alyssa, has been lobbying, begging, pleading for a dog for the past couple of years. She leaves my wife, Heather, and I messages, demonstrates to us how good she is with our neighbour’s dog when she is asked to look after it, engages my mom to lobby on her behalf, changes the homepage on our computers and phones to a photo of a dog, etc. We constantly remind her of the responsibilities that go with a dog: cleaning up, walking it, feeding it, taking it to the vet, finding people to look after it when you are away, etc. etc. etc. Alyssa believes she is ready for the responsibility. However, as her parents, we know the dog will be both Alyssa’s responsibility and ours. When I think about it, it’s the same as when a child gets access to technology, and the world of cyberspace, through a computer or a phone. As a parent, you will strive to play a role in watching your child to make sure he or she is using and taking care of the technology responsibly, however it may prove difficult at times.

One of our faculty forwarded me the following post earlier this week that a friend of hers had posted on her Facebook site. I understand that it has been on FB for a while, but it was the first time I’ve come across it and I felt it would make interesting and perhaps thought-provoking reading for our families. As well, it may generate some solutions for any challenges parents of wired kids may be faced with.

A kid just got an iPhone from his parents. His mom wrote these [slightly edited] rules for its use:

It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
I will always know the password.
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill.
If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay out of the crossfire.
Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
and again… Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
No porn.
Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.
Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO — fear of missing out.
Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling.
You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

Testing What Matters in Life

Posted on December 3, 2012 by Andrea Fanjoy

How did you do on your last test?

If you’re not a student you probably can’t remember. Tests are for students, right?

Formal education has a long history of testing. Spelling, math, science, history – no other institution tests more than schools. Obviously.

What’s not as top of mind, however, are the tests that we face minute-by-minute, wherever we are, whomever we’re with and whatever we’re doing. These are the tests of character that appear in our interactions with others, choices of how to spend our time, how we work, how we play, and how we respond to the challenges thrown our way. And if you’re following what most experts are saying, it is character, and specifically traits such as initiative, curiosity, grit, creativity, and adaptability, that will best determine our success in life.

Educators and parents alike spend a lot of time thinking about tests, whether designing, marking or preparing children to do their best with them. Tests help us monitor growth in students and effectiveness of teaching. They have value. But most of these tests don’t measure what matters most. They aren’t designed to.

So, what would a test of character look like? Simple. Watch what others do, of their own volition, and particularly when out of the gaze and direction of authority figures. Minute-by-minute.

And if you want to help prepare students to do well on these tests? Provide a school experience that not only teaches character but also includes the encouragement, time and support needed so students can practice the skills and traits that matter, and do so for their own purposes. Students of character need freedom to initiate, create, persist at solving real problems, make a difference and more, not for marks and not because they’re told to. They need a school that believes in the infinite potential of children, if we let it take shape, and a school which recognises that this means doing a number of things differently.

Educators, watch what your students do with free time. That’s testing what matters. And give them a school experience that lets them develop the traits and skills that matter most. That’s preparing them to ace the test. You won’t be disappointed.

Andrea Fanjoy,
Assistant Head, Academics
You can follow Andrea on Twitter @afanjoy.

This article was first published in SNAP Etobicoke, December 2012.

Blurring the Online Boundary

Posted on October 18, 2012 by smarcynuk

If you’ve heard of the ‘information highway’ you’ll know that social media is taking over much of this traffic. If you’ve heard of ‘surfing the web’, you’ve just dated yourself. Students just refer to the web as ‘being online’.

As students begin joining social media at a younger age, the online boundary shifts just a little more. When does it stop? What can we do? Does it need to stop?

Social media is ubiquitous in today’s society and can play a fantastic role in a child’s development. Be an active part of this and let your child share with you what is happening on Facebook or Club Penguin. Have frequent open discussions about the various types of comments posted by users on Grooveshark or YouTube. These are but a few popular social media apps that our children frequently visit. Share your favourite social media apps, comments, tweets or conundrums. It’s okay to let our kids know that we’re fallible and that we also enjoy social media, albeit different social media apps. And of course, within these wonderful conversations, build in talks about privacy settings, risks, consequences and ‘your rules’. Be strong, yet gentle.

As your child grows older, the boundary will blur and morph. Let it be a natural, agreeable transition. Good luck!

Stacy Marcynuk
Director of IT, Curriculum
Kingsway College School

Some great online safety resources: